Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Chapter 4
In chapter four, I learned what it "really" meant to be a good listener. Inside the text, the authors posted a survey to asses your use of various cognitive listening components. The most interesting thing for me was the statement about "catching myself not listening". This is not really what I am going to post about but it was an interesting topic for me. What did stick with me was the behavioral components. I may be different but when a person over uses the backchannels, it is hard for me to concentrate on my own speech. A little bit is fine but not too much. Also when I tend to be thinking about what the speaker is saying, i do make a lot of eye contact. When I show the interest same amount of interest in the speaker as the speaker is showing in their topic they tend to speak more and usually will listen to my side as well. At the same time when I show the attentiveness they would like, they give the same attention to me.
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3 comments:
Hey Eric! I agree with what you said about backchannels. I think that sometimes people don't realize they're doing it, I think they're trying to show that they are paying attention so that you feel heard. But it is, actually, very distracting. I find myself looking for backchannels when having a conversation because I'm so used to hearing them. And if I don't receive backchannels I feel like I'm not being heard. Like you said, "A little bit is fine but not too much." This is something I've realized and become more aware of while analyzing my communication interactions.
Hate to be the one disagreeing here, but I must say I do. I feel like I am addicted to backchannels. If I am telling a story and the other person is quietly staring at me, I would totally feel like they are day dreaming! Call it self centered, but I feel like an occassional word of encouragement really gets me more into my story. I do agree that over doing it could get really annoying, but for the most part I think it's essential ot a conversation.
I have a friend named Jen and she has a dirty little trick that she plays on men when shes just starting to date them. Jen loves telling stories, long drawn out stories that literally take a whole lunch and the car ride home to tell. It's sometimes painful, but its one of her favorite things to do so you need to know how to handle it. So when she's on a first or second date and in the middle of a story and somehting interrupts, she'll stop her story in the middle and wait for her date to ask her to continue. The woman thrives on people asking her to continue and while it isn't quite backchanneling, it's still those words of encouragement that help keep you going. And God help the man who doesn't ask her to continue her story...
I do have to wonder if our generation is worse off at listening than past generations. "Catching yourself not listening" is probably something everyone is always doing. With electronics like iPods, television, and videogames, I wonder if our listening has declined at all. I know many of us can tune out so easily because of the exposure to background or white noise we have. I wonder if we do it without notice with conversations with people. Call it selective hearing?
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