Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Confronting
I am not much for confrontation unless the time absolutly calls for it. Even when I am uspet about other things , I try my hardest not to take those feelings out on other people. Even if i am having a bad day or the weather has me down. I have been around people who have trouble doing that. it seems that if they are unhappy they will be very cranky and not a happy person. Even with the example in the book about a green light. I usually just sit there and wait and have someone else do the honking. I just wait and try at all costs to avoid conflict. I like to be the guy who seems calm and collective during times of confict and try to keep the situation calm. I like being that guy to other people. I want to be the one who calms down the situation. So I will confront people who are trying to keep with conflict. To try and stop conflict.
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5 comments:
Hey boyd013,
I liked your post because I feel that I am close to that myself. I am not good at confronting people. It is nicer and safer to just let it go. Now if the problem gets out of hand, then it is time to confront. This is usually because all those annoyances of what I have let go have built up so strong that I cannot handle it anymore. That does not sound too healthy, but I guess it works for me. A problem does not need to be messed with because it might go away on its own. But if it doesn't, then its time to step in and do something about it.
I can appreciate your ability and will to avoid conflict. I on the other hand can't help but speak my mind. I don't necessarily take things, that are bothering me, out on other people but if you are the one that has put me in the mood I'm in I will let you know. Sometimes it doesn't work out very well but other times I think it has helped both myself and the other person better understand one another. Don't get me wrong, I won't get crazy. I am usually very calm and rational...just confrontational. :)
I'm basically in the middle in regards to confrontation. I don't like to confront someone, but generally end up doing so. For instance, my car was in an accident the other week (some woman rear ended my car in a parking lot) and I went to the body shop got an estimate of 4-5 days to have my car repaired (damage was a slight dent in my trunk, broken light and bumper was scratched --they were replacing because of a dent i put in it in the same area as the woman hit me), this time was slightly longer than average because its a Kia and parts are harder to obtain for it. So I said ok, i tried to see if we could order the bumper prior to my dropping the car off, but the lady insisted I would have my car back by the end of the week if I dropped it off the next morning. So I did. Friday, I called and the lady got snotty and was like well your car isn't due until Tuesday July 1, so we don't need to get it done!! I was like WHAT. I was pissed. I was told I would be able to get it back by Friday. So I said whatever. Called monday to see if I could get it back that night.. this is day 5. This time, the woman actually physically checked my car, but said nope not going to be done til tomorrow evening as promised. I was like uh it was promised to me by friday. So I tried to be calm and take the matter up with state farm yesterday and explain because of the incompetence at this shop they referred me to, I am spending 39.99+15.00 for being under 25 in rental car fees, for each day the shop is incompetent. Guy called up the shop and got car will be done tonight and then told me to work it out with the shop!! Dude seriously. I was so mad, my car was done but at this rate, I had already racked up the fee for the car for the day, so I said ok car will sit in shop because I was so made I was afraid if I went down, I would be very confrontational. As result, my whole day was ruined yesterday because of this (subsequent issues arose) and I tried to be calm and even just put my pjs on at 4pm and stayed in bed hoping it wouldnt get worse.
Yes I picked up my car today, woman tried to talk to me, I blew her off, I wasnt going to say anything because I have a temper and would have exploded on her.
So bottomline, I can be very confrontational, and takes an act of god to keep me calm in that situation. So I applaud people who would remain calm in my situation.
In some ways I am very similar to you in terms of confrontation. I don’t like confronting others about a problem because I am in fear of starting a fight. Although if it is a big problem that is affecting me I will have some kind of confrontation. Its hard because some people seem to love confrontation and if you have to say something to them its like they are ready for you and will chew you out even if they have no good points. I have found that if I have a problem with a family member I will confront them as well as some close friends because the relationship is very important to me and if they are doing something to hurt or bother me then they should know.
I wish I was able to avoid more confrontation than I do. I avoid confrontation at work cuz I don’t want to loose my job. And maybe for all the times that I find I can’t take it out at work I do in other places. I am usually the one who is honking unless of course I happen to notice it’s an elderly person, for fear that I may cause more harm than good by honking I don’t, but usually I’m the one honking. And I find that I argue a lot in my personal relationships. Perhaps I should take your approach next time and try and calm things down and that might completely through people off, but in a good way, maybe I will get heard better. But I think I am more a conflict kind of person when I run out patience and it seems that is mostly when I am driving or someone is not listening to what I have to say.
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